James 1:6

Time for an update!

I really did not like waking up this morning for school. Waking up wasn't the hard part. It was harder when I realized that it was a school day. It didn't hit me until like 7:15, and class started in 45 minutes. I seriously thought it was a Sunday and had to convince myself that it wasn't. Horrible! I miss winter break dearly.

But when I got showered and ate breakfast and all that, I really wasn't in a sour mood or anything. I am usually in a good mood and today was no different.

One thing that was different though was my attitude at school. I have always been a pretty silly guy in the classroom setting but today I really had to fight to make sure that I was attentive. Especially in calculus. I hate the class but I am determined to finish this first semester with good grades. Maybe not quite as much second semester but I would hate to add C's on my record at this point.

That is enough about school.



Currently my favorite song! Listen to the lyrics! :D

I love Passion!

Anyway, I did not write about anything that happened after Saturday morning. Hmmm.

Saturday I really did not do much. I chatted with friends alot. Nothing memorable. I did get a chance, actually, to catch up with my old friend Samuel Oh. Sam and I were best friends in elementary school. We were "blood brothers". We sort of drifted after I moved up to PV and haven't talked a whole lot recently. He brought me up-to-date with his life and talked about a pretty prolonged trial that he has been enduring. He also shared about some stuff he's been struggling with in regards to his faith. Now that I think about it, I am a little surprised that he decided to tell me all the things that he told me. Pretty personal stuff. Looks like we're blood brothers after all! :D

But anyway, towards the end of the conversation, I felt the Holy Spirit really used me to speak to Sam. I felt confident that everything I was saying to him was exactly what God wanted to say to him. I might be thinking a little too much into this, but I zoned out for a good portion of the AIM convo and wasn't thinking too much about what I was even typing but when I took a moment to see what I had said to him, it was all very truthful, piercing stuff that I think was exactly what he needed to hear. Pretty bizzarre. Not really sure what that all was about but pretty cool nonetheless.

James 1:6
But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

I have had a lot of confidence in God these days. A lot of the doubt I once had in Him and what He can do has really been going away. The less I doubt what He can do, the more I am able to see what He does/has done in my life. Kind of a complicated concept. But I guess its kind of like this. When you (in your mind, subconsciously or intentionally) pre-determine what you think God can/cannot do, or what you think he will/will not do, you set limits on who He is.

For example, you tell yourself, God cannot possibly lift me out of this (______) situation. Or, God doesn't really intervene in our daily lives and speak to me. When you do this, its easy to become deaf to what God may be trying to tell you. Sometimes, God may try to speak to us through a certain trial or difficulty. When faced with difficult times, a lot of people get angry at God, rather than trying to see what God may be telling us. This is how we shut God out of our lives when he is trying to speak to us the most.

But when you let go of your doubts, have confidence in Him, and just trust in Him, you really open up soooo many more doors and opportunities for Him to speak to you, love you, and also to grow in your faith. This is something that I have realized in the past few days.

Personally for me, that (fill-in-the-blank) situation was a long period of financial difficulty that even now my family struggles through. It began around 8th grade and has gotten progressively worse since. I don't tell to many people, but I think that it is an essential part of my testimony so I have been more open about it lately.

In the beginning (8th, 9th, 10th, and some of 11th grade) I was pretty resentful and frustrated about the situation. When I came to faith in 10th gradeish, I always prayed that God would just make us financially stable again and just make things better. It was always a complaint about how bad things were, about how I wanted to fit in with everyone else who had cars (nice ones at that), and be able to spend money on things. Always asking God for material things, basically.

I always prayed that God would get the family out of our situation. I basically told myself that that was all that God was good for. He had become a genie in a way. Oh and congrats to Mimi for passing her license exam. I did not open my heart to the possibility that God may be trying to do something else for the family, other than give us physicaly comforts.

Since entering the difficult straits, my family has grown incredibly close, just about all of us came fully to the faith, and all of us have changed from the inside out in a way that only God can change people. My dad, once the prideful, "I-can-do-anything-as-long-as-I-try-hard-enough", man-of-the-house, angry, short tempered, frustrated Korean father who wanted nothing more than to instill fear and respect in me and my sisters had become a truly loving, humbled, and deeply appreciative daddy. I've matured alot (though I am still the biggest clown in the world :D) and am seriously thankful for my family, our fortune, and everything God has done. And alot more good stuff has happened that I don't feel like listing out. But yes, its a very long list.

And I only came to realize all of this when I opened my eyes to the reality that God had truly refined us in the fire of financial difficulty.

Whatever your "fire" is today, do not doubt God. The second you release the lingering doubts you have, it's amazing what God can show you. Then you kick yourself for not doing it sooner and for being such a prideful little loser all that time. One of those palm to the forehead moments ya know?

Really quick: Sunday was awesome. Great sermon about faith through trials. Praise was good good good. Hung out with church peeps at chipotle and it was really yummy.

Anyway, I should probably have entries that are not 99% about faith. As important as I think it is, I am beginning to turn this blog into like sermon notes. hahahahha yeahhhh. My next entry will I guess be an update on some other stuff that's going on. Which really isn't much. I have absolutely no life other than church, friends, music, and internetting. I will I guess talk about some of the music I'm getting into and what I'm doing with that kinda stuff? Upcoming weekend KIWIN'S stuff? Mmmm yeah we'll see. Next time will be a fun fun fun one.

But, it's already 9:15pm and I have done absolutely no school work. So I will end with this! Right here.

Yeap.