My Life About One Fourth Way into 2010

I have not updated my blog after a post on January 1st. In other words, it's my second post this year. I've been lazy, busy, and for various reasons, not needing/wanting to write here.

But this is my spring break and I have plenty of time.

SIGH. The first quarter (almost) of this year has been uncomfortably fast paced and hectic. I feel I haven't had a proper moment to stop and rest. Ever. With school, Inspire 10, Cafe Night, more school, and who knows what else, I've been really tied up, for good or for bad.

Spiritually, it's been pretty unstable. It has been such a whirlwind of growth mixed with some regrettable decisions. I've been conflicted and just when things seemed to be going right, the spiritual attack comes like a hurricane. God has been faithful through and through, breaking through times of immense internal conflict. Overall, it's been good but definitely inconsistent. I can't seem to maintain stability and security!

So that's been my fight. Even in this Lent season, I think I've had the wrong motives and goals. It's been confusing and discouraging at lot of times. Hopefully things improve.

Things have gone relatively well from a "resume" point of view. I've secured an internship at OneCubicle (it's like facebook) and a position on the board of the Marshall Career Development Association (it's a club). Academically speaking though, I haven't done too well on my midterms and stuff. So I'm a little stressed about that. I need to finish strong!

One of my biggest recent struggles has been to change my lifestyle. I realize I waste a lot of time being lazy, unmotivated, and lethargic. Which contrasts strangely with how busy I have been. I realize that while I need to push myself to be successful, I also am a human being who needs rest. I think I often spread myself way too thin. I am not very good at managing myself. This is something I will need to work on. More importantly, I need more physical and spiritual rest in my days. But then again, that seems to be yet another block of time I have to schedule into my day. Oh the inescapable paradoxes of life.

For dramatic expression purposes, this is a picture of my last week's schedule.


Anyway, I am hoping that after this spring break, I can emerge rested and ready to resume the daily routine with a bit more purpose and resolve. I know I'm going to need God to give me purpose when I am unmotivated, and rest when I am weary. He will be my sustenance!

Currently, I am also not on speaking terms with my dad. After getting angry with me some time ago, he told me not to talk to him. Since then, we have not spoken. I think it's been at least 6 weeks or so. Possibly and probably longer. My mom has been pushing me to talk to him. I don't see why I need to initiate and talk to him if he was the one to end things. This situation goes beyond this into a much deeper broken relationship issue with my dad. I'll leave it at that.



I just watched this and it really spoke to me in the midst of my disarray. Spiritual warfare can be very frustrating when you're losing. So praise God for these videos.

In terms of new frontiers, I am definitely trying to explore the world of missions and evangelism more thoroughly. I feel that all Christians should be involved in evangelism and missions in some way. So I'm going to try and start evangelizing to people. Oh and I am likely going on missions this summer, either to Korea or Tanzania. We'll see how all this goes.

Recently, I've also been inspired to develop my musical skills a bit more also. With Kollaboration, Inspire, and Cafe Night feeding me tons of inspiration and encouragement, I want to start writing my own songs and stuff. We'll see how that goes too hahaha.

I've also been pondering what I want to do with my life. I've also felt a bit more prepared and focused than everyone else because I've always wanted to study Business and even more specifically, entrepreneurship. Compared to people who are undecided, I feel like I have a pretty good sense of my own ambitions and strengths. But more recently, I've been wondering the specifics, such as what industry I want to go into, which concentration/role, etc. Do I want to be in marketing? Maybe consulting? Maybe just be an entrepreneur from the get go? But if so, what business would I be in? Secretly, a quiet voice in me has even been considering ministry.

I guess these questions are good because I am a freshman. Hopefully I won't be having these questions when I'm a senior!

This semester, I've been involved in KCM. It's been a great place for me for reasons that would likely fill up an entire novel. So I won't get into it at this time.

Blogging has become less and less necessary the more and more I tell things to God and Crystal. So this whole blogging thing might change dynamically this year. We'll see.

I think my life is in "We'll see" mode, judging by how many times I've used that phrase throughout this post.

But I guess we'll see about that too.