Hello.
I have some things on my mind. I warn anyone who might be reading this: I am horrible at being concise.
I want to talk about three things:
1) My new job
2) Prayer
3) Purity
My New Job
So first, I wanted to update anyone, who doesn't already know, that I got a job at Hollister! My excitement, though, is quickly stifled by the sobering fact that I will now need to work. I have never heard a positive review of a retail job, particularly of the job in the back keeping stock and maintaining storage. For this reason, I am a little bit hesitant. I understand that it will be physically and emotionally challenging to have to work a demanding job for a measly minimum wage, but I remind myself that all things in this world are relative to one another. In developing countries, the minimum wage is, in some of the nicer places, about $1. Most are much much less, so I embrace this chance to work at a hip and trendy clothier for an extremely generous $8 an hour :D
Oh and I was very joyful when I got the call on Monday, only a day after I had written an entry about how I wasn't getting the job. I kicked myself for even doubting God, however momentary and light it was.
Regardless, I welcome the new experience. My previous work experience consists of grading papers for hours on end at Kumon so I am sure I will be able to enjoy this job (which probably won't put me to sleep) more. I am also looking forward to making friends with co-workers, learning how the retail system works, and maybe even sharing the Gospel with said co-works if the opportunity comes about. I vow that I will pounce on the chance with a hardy persistence!
My sister asked me what I am going to do with the money I earn. I was very pleased with my innate response to that question. I did not find myself wanting to have material things (except for maybe an mp3 player), but instead things of great importance and value.
One of the first things that came to mind was offering. I have been very very weak on my weekly offering for quite some time now, but I am very determined to be a consistent giver to my ministry. I am also going to put aside a good deal of my money and save it for when I need it. Prom will probably soak up a good chunk of my paycheck savings from month to month. I will put aside 10% of my monthly paycheck for the "Alex Park Prom Fund 2009" and probably 40% in just my savings account.
Hmmm....that leaves another 50%. I will probably put aside 10% for offering, and use the remaining 40% on funding a "life". This "life" entails being able to go out for a meal with church and school friends, paying birthday presents for people, etc. Oh! That reminds me, I really want to treat my friends/family out once I have a good cash flow and use a breakfast/lunch/dinner as a means to either share the Gospel with, or share in fellowship with, each and every one of them. On my hitlist are most of my unbelieving school friends for whom I have a deep desire for salvation. I really want to capitalize on this last stretch before college come around because I know alot of people will level off from the faith at that point, so hopefully God uses me to draw others close to Him. Wouldn't that be great? :D
Prayer
So recently I have learned a lot about prayer. Maybe the correct phrasing would be, "My perception of prayer has changed dramatically". I credit Pastor Andrew for it, and thank him for taking the time to help me understand.
I think that I fed into the widely misunderstood view of prayer. I felt that my prayer had some sway on God's will and plan. I felt that my prayers had some significance in shaping what He would do.
I know that sounds ridiculous to anyone of solid faith. "Of course! God is sovereign and His will is perfect!"
Someone who also feeds into the misconception may say "Of course God listens and considers your prayers! That's why He tells us to depend on Him and trust Him with everything!"
To the person with the misconception, I would say, "That is absolutely a skewed understanding of prayer and of our relationship with God"
To the person of solid faith, I would say, "Yes but do you truly apply that head-knowledge to your actions and your life, and also the way you view God?"
And to both, I would say this:
The will of Man is the antonym of "perfect". Perhaps the word might be "destitute", "selfish", "impure", or just "imperfect". And on the other side, God's will is perfect. It is also predestined and planned before Creation. The fate of everything...every event, relationship, career, life, is already written, and there is no changing it. Why? Because it's already set in stone, and God is unchanging and decisive; He does not change his mind or debate one thing or another. He is sturdy, and is absolutely sovereign over everything.
Given that understanding, which I am sure every Christian will agree with, what is prayer? I think many people think of prayer as a "petition" to God. It's like us handing God a request form and saying, "Here you go sir. I want this to happen for the following reasons, and I think you should do this because of this, this, and this."
We feel that the more of these "request forms" we give him, or the more time we spend on these, the higher are chances of his approval. That the more time we spend in prayer, the way we pray, and how many people pray factors into God's decision...we secretly expect God has not made up his mind yet. Am I wrong?
Why then do we urge others to pray for our ailing family members? Why then do we spend a lot of time in prayer for something that we want more? Why then do we pray for the growth and spiritual strengthening of a ministry, or for God to lead a Pastor in the right direction?
These are all things we want from God; we want to change God.
But the fact of the matter is, prayer is meant to change US. Not Him.
What right do we have to request- even expect- that God will honor our request? None. That is blaspheming God's perfectness and putting ourselves in a position of influence over the almighty and all-knowing God.
We pray so that we will understand God's will. For example, we pray for something to happen (a job, a test score, a career goal, a relationship to get better, etc). Let's say it doesn't. Let's say despite hours and hours of diligent and Christ-like prayer are invested into our prayer to God for "x" to happen. Why then didn't it happen? Why was another prayer, which received less time or focus, given realization?
The answer is in Scripture. God's will is unshakable. Even Jesus spent hours praying before his crucifixion in the garden of Gethsemane. He prayed that He would not have to bear the cup of God's wrath. He prayed that God would be merciful, but He ended his prayer with the right words. He finished with "Your will be done". YOUR will be done, NOT mine.
And so the story goes, Jesus was later crucified and risen.
What does this show? Even Jesus had to submit to God's will, and He IS god.
So let's go back to our situation today. Why do people urge others to pray for a group of Christians who are going to be executed? Why do we give prayer requests? And ask for them?
I think there are a couple of reasons:
1) Understanding God's will and being in a dependent relationship with Him
2) Fellowship
1) As I said earlier, when we pray for something, we are alert for God's "response" afterwards. We wait, attentive to what God does. Whether He does it, or doesn't, we ultimately get to understand His will. His desire for our lives and for the lives of others. Prayer is meant to change our perspective. It's supposed to teach us; it's a time for God to reveal things to us. It gives us the chance to come to Him with our praises, but also a chance for us to present to him our desire to know his will.
2) Fellowship. I think that the whole prayer request deal is somewhat accepted with the idea that when alot of people pray, it might happen. But no, its for the purpose of fellowship. For unity and bonding and understanding and loving between believers.
I also think that God performs much of His will WHEN we pray. For example, we pray for our faith and our purity repeatedly. This prayer cycles through our mind even after we open our eyes, and is reflected in our actions.
Pretty interesting stuff. I am so glad God corrected me this early. Who knows how long I would have gone with a skewed conception of prayer! Thank God.
Purity
Keeping pure is really difficult. I need to be more pure. More righteous. More holy.
I won't get into the specifics, as this would only perpetuate a cycle of worldy influence, but it's been difficult fighting the world's brainwashing ways.
I am enduring, but again, I am only enduring. It's like a never ending hurdle-race in a way. The world's influence, words, actions, and implications are the hurdles which I must jump over and escape from. Only, the hurdles are camouflaged, staggered across the track in random fashion, and higher than I think I can jump.
It's difficult, and I need to train myself to be more obedient. I need discipline, and I really hope that God wills this for me.
Conclusion
So that is that. I think this is by far the longest thing I have ever written in my blog. A new record!
Oh and some updates of trivial concern:
1) New initiatives- I am taking a couple new initiatives. The first is a new bedtime. I think I need a more regular sleep schedule, both for my skin and also for my energy throughout the day. But mostly the first :] . Another one is the dedication of one solid hour every day to prayer and time with Him in learning and in the Word. Unfortunately, I think I will struggle with this but I feel its absolutely necessary and I want to be able to do it a lot. And lastly, I want to start exercising. It is very hard to start, but I know once I do, I will keep it up.
2) Music- I am going to start writing songs. I also want to look for opportunities to perform them as well. I am excited for the WPCA Talent Show. Hopefully I'll get to perform. I might start reflecting this in my blog entries by means of posting of lyrics and poems etc.
Also, I have added a music player to my blog. I will just change it out once in a while with whatever song I really like! :D
And I think that is truly all. I have literally dumped my mind into this one entry.
This is ridiculously long. Wow. I feel accomplished.
Yay! :D
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